We present EHands, a quantum-native protocol for implementing multivariable polynomial transformations on quantum processors. The protocol introduces four fundamental, reversible operators: multiplication, addition, negation, and parity flip, and employs the Expectation Value ENcoding (EVEN) scheme to represent real numbers as quantum states. Unlike discretization or binary encoding methods, EHands operates directly on vectorized real-valued inputs prepared in the initial state and applies a shallow quantum circuit that depends only on the polynomial coefficients. The result is obtained from the expectation value measured on a single qubit, enabling efficient parallel evaluation of a polynomial across multiple data points using a single circuit. We introduce both a reversible implementation for degree-(d) polynomials, requiring (3d) qubits, and a non-reversible variant that uses qubit resets to reduce the requirements to (d+1) qubits. Both implementations exhibit linear depth scaling in (d) and are explicitly decomposed into one- and two-qubit gates for direct execution on current quantum processing units. The protocol’s effectiveness is demonstrated through experimental validation on IBM’s Heron-class quantum processors, showing reliable polynomial approximations of functions like ReLU and arctan.